Revisited

So I am feeling more and more like my old self (for better or for worse), and I feel like I can finally say a few things that have a feeling of, dare I say it, optimism to them.

The job? Yeah, I am still in shock over that one. Three days ago I was overwhelmed with the the sense that I was joining the ranks of the permanently searching. Today I am wrapping up the final parts of the syllabus for my classes. It is surreal. For real.

The cancer? Man, oh, man. Seeing it like that in that cup just changed it all. There it was. This thing that has been on my mind since May. There it was. This thing that had kept me up at night, made me sad, made me cry, caused me to think about things I had never wanted to consider. Ugly, rotten, moldy, and small. The small is what gave me the calmest and eeriest sense of completion. I am not empowered. No. I am humbled, over and over again. That thing brought me to my knees. That thing gave me a new perspective. That piece of awful gave me a new wonderful. Words won't get where I need them to go. Somewhere in that cup was an old view, a misunderstanding realized, and a piece of me gone forever.

Cue the music? Let the credits roll? Nah. Turn the page. That is what I am feeling. Watch the next season creep into the picture. Feel the rays of a dying sun. Smell the leaves go from pungent green to mellow gold. Taste the chocolate beneath the candy shell.

I am taking a lesson from my Grandmother today. I am going to live it like it's short even though I am nowhere near done with it.