Summer Sun

Whew! Everyone is saying it, but I might as well chime in. It is hot out there! Last week the air went out in my car which made me feel simultaneously miserable and ungrateful. There are people all over the world living in horrid conditions, and I am the tool worried about not having air in my otherwise working vehicle. There is this big part of me that knows I am in no place to complain. But this other part...

I turned in resumes to two different places last week. The first one was for a job in Memphis teaching ESL. No, I am not qualified. Sadder still is that this detail is not really standing in my way with this job. People from other countries are so much better at learning English as a foreign language that just about any native speaker can teach them. When I think about how I struggled through Spanish and Latin I feel like a douche for having the convenience of having experienced instructors and complaining that it was too hard.

The other resume went to one of my formerly attended institutions, Jackson State Community College. I have an "in" over there and am hoping that she has enough pull to get me at least one little class. With these adjunct positions the notice about the job usually doesn't come until a week or so before classes begin. So now I wait and do not even attempt optimism. I am a wreck hoping that I will get one of these, and then even more ridiculous that I am actually hoping to get them both.

Got to go on both of these job searches with a lovely sheen due to the AC malfunction. I think the heat index was 105 the first time and 101 the second time. I actually apologized for my appearance during the sit-down with the lady from the Memphis office. Jackson to Memphis without AC kind of shows, if you know what I mean.

Keeping my fingers crossed and as much hope as I can stand. I went to see The Dark Knight this weekend and there was one of those lines about it always being darkest before the dawn. Yes, it was much more poingnant when coming from the mouth of that guy who played Harvey Dent, but I have decided that is just how I am going to have to look at this. Big changes are coming, I can feel it, and I am hoping for that same feeling of a sunrise to wash over me when it does.

I am thinking back to those days before the school bug had bitten me. I used to stay up all night doing all sorts of things and then I would watch the world wake up, shedding light on the mess I had created while it was asleep. Later on, I remember pulling all-nighters at the Smith computer lab getting my American Lit paper finished at the last minute. When I would open the doors, the sun practically mocked me for not being in better charge of my time.

These days the sun is the source of some very similar feelings. I just need to think that this time, when the sun does finally come up, that there will be something new with it. If I can survive how bad it has been lately, then I want to finally bask in its rays.

It's funny. I think I am suffering in my little un-airconditioned car, but all I really want is the light and the heat of a new day to find me. The dawn is coming I can feel it. Until then, I guess I will just have to roll the windows down!