Parenting 101

Last night was one of those parenting moments I knew would happen, but I was not prepared for it all the same. Nathan was fine, he was talking about dinosaurs and kid stuff when he suddenly got that look on his face. It's the look that suggests he is about to cry. He did cry. Nathan hardly ever gets weepy.

He started talking about how he misses his dad, how kids pick on him at school, and how he wishes we could move to Georgia. I didn't know what to do. I still don't know what to do. I asked him if he wanted to call his father, which he did, and I let him walk away to have a more private talk with his dad.

Bill, Nathan's father, isn't a bad guy. We weren't ready to be parents, we weren't ready to live together, and we knew we weren't going to be in the parenting boat together. After Nathan wrapped it up with him, I took the phone just to catch Bill up on what happened before the call. Bill said he wuold try to get to Tennessee the next time there is a government holiday. I hope he does.

At this point I am so willing to swallow my bad feelings and general discontent just to see Nathan know that his dad loves him and that he would be here if he could. I wish we could find a way for them to spend more time together.

It is so hard to be an adult and a parent and a person who does the right thing. It's even harder when there are so many versions of the right thing. I am going to offer the phone to Nathan more often. Maybe if Bill and Nathan talked more, they might have a stronger bond. Maybe Bill would try a little harder to get up here to see his son. That isn't supposed to sound as snarky as it does. Bill was always an out of sight out of mind kind of person.

Nathan is getting older. His feelings are maturing, and I am in danger of losing him to the black hole of adolescence. I don't want my baby to grow up. I don't want to grow up, either.