This time last week I was hoping for snow. This week? I am wearing flip flops, and I just wore a short-sleeved shirt to take the dog for a walk. I know I talk about the weather a lot, but it just seems like it needs to be discussed lately!
Greg has taken off for the day. He is teaching at Southwest and then going to University of Memphis for a meeting with a student and a meeting with his CAP group. That leaves me with a large chunk of the day to myself. I should be working, and I will later, but I think I just want to enjoy the time to myself.
I never thought that I would change so much. I have a boyfriend, and I feel like that is where a lot of my energy ends up. I have been thinking about that so much lately. I want some of myself back, and I am really not sure how to do that.
"I have unwritten words up to my ears." J. D. Salinger said that, and I am pretty sure I have never felt that way. Salinger also says that you should only write what you know, but what do I know? I used to think there was a story in me, but now I think that these are the thoughts of youth and not maturity. Is there a way to be youthful and mature?
I need an older soul. Just that sentence alone reminds me of my immaturity. Maybe I will be better in another life. I have just about given up on this one.
No, no, no, that's not what I mean. I just mean that there have been things I wish I had done. I would have done them if I had been able to understand that those chances only come around once. I would have been a better mother. I would have been better to myself. I guess there is the future, but so much seems decided.
Getting my hair cut today, and I am looking forward to that. It's nice to shed things. Maybe that's how I find myself. Maybe instead of throwing myself into something, I pull myself out of something.
My computer needs to restart, so I better wrap up before it decides I am done.
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