Time keeps on slipping into the future

This has already been such a busy and packed day. My co-workers are playing Uno... They got all pissy when I asked them to be quiet while I was listening to a student read a paper. What is that about?

Papers to grade, things to do tonight, hoping for coffee with a friend and a conversation with another one that is so long overdue.

Can I have another hour? Can I have maybe 10 more minutes on a few hours of this day? I think this is an excellent plan!

HOMES

Going to make this as to the point as possible:

Things I learned about my mom:
1) She thinks graffiti is beautiful, and I think that is awesome.
2) She hated my former step-father as much as I did.
3) She usually has what she thinks is best in mind.
4) She has tact and grace under pressure and in the presence of rude relatives.
5) She loves with all her heart even when her heart is breaking.

My sister in law was rude to us. The baby is so precious. I don't want to go back to Toledo for a very long time. My brother and his wife don't hug my son, and I don't know why. Making the first step means that sometimes you have to make the second and third steps as well.

Crazy week ahead of me. Crazy week behind me. People are doing well; people are how they are.

I think I am finally going to get cable. More about that later. I know, apocalypse pending...

Running on empty

Kids these days... fill in the rest. Feeling like an adult today, if only by comparison.

Reading and not writing, planning and not packing. More grading to do that ever and not an ounce of desire or motivation to do it.

Time to get the lead out. And the Led out!

Chop Suey

Way too many student conferences today. Think they will all actually show?

Laundry and packing to do. Need to check the Toledo weather situation. Tornadoes or hard winds heading to Tennessee tonight.

Thinking about writing. I am inspired by TV shows.

I'm living in yesterday's tomorrow. Jerry said that.

Pandora and a fancy bottle of water are getting me through the initial hours.

Monday, Monday

Beginning a marathon week. Intense student conferences, squeezing 5 days into 3, and crafting an excuse to get out of a meeting are all on the bill. That's just the plans from Monday to Wednesday.

Going to see my brother and his family on Wednesday. Traveling with mom and kid which should be entertaining. Staying in a house with 4 kids, 4 adults, 1 bathroom, and a crazy dog... Mayhem is too tame a word!

A person by any other name

Chopped 8 inches off my hair. No one will notice. Oh well.

Can't do what I need to do because I am distracted by nothing that is all that important. Really want hot wings from Central and halfway decided to go there until I talked myself down from a 2 hour trip for BBQ. Sane people do not have these struggles, I am convinced.

Waiting on emails and phone calls and winning scores and hope wrapped in unexpected packages.

Changed the names in my contact list so that I won't answer calls from people that aren't good for me. It worked yesterday, and that is good news for me.

It's a dog's life

I have really been pondering this thing for the last 8 hours or so...

We (only the people who do what I am about to say) say that men are dogs. This sometimes means that men are self-absorbed, flea-infested, and servants to their baser desires. Dogs, while they are often these things, are really the most wonderful creatures.

There is this dog I have the pleasure of knowing. He is the awesomest dog on the planet. Sure, I've only hung out with him once or twice, but each time I was impressed by this dog. It may be a credit to the guy he with whom he shares a bed, and I am not dismissing that as a possibility at all.

Today I am going to try to lessen my use of the man is dog idea. I do this out of respect for dogs like the one I get to see from time to time.

Looking up

Whew! Memphis squeaked it out in the end.

Felt good to be a peon with a purpose today. Met with a lady who isn't very good at her job, and without any kind of status, I was free to think that about her and not feel bad about it.

Looking forward to a trip north. Surprised to be thinking that after so many years of being the sibling to a person who denied my existence. Swallowing those feelings and just going with it. After the successful Christmas serving of crow, I think this trip may offer some slightly sweeter fare.

Sewing lessons

Stepped on some toes yesterday. After I went from office to office on campus asking people for input and support for this resume thing, a call came into the center where I work informing the person over me that the resume idea was really relegated to the placement services people. That info only means that now we are obligated to involve their office with our efforts. Cool. Here's the thing...

What happened to being in this for the students? When did it matter whose toes got in the way when we are all here to serve the community at large? What is the most tactful way to bring this up or should it just be a couched idea for the time being? Is this just water to the fire I am trying to spread about community involvement and changing the world one person at a time?

Today I am trying to turn my anger into positive energy and use it to inspire and not to lash out at those who cannot see the vital role they play in the bigger picture. We are all part of a social fabric that is worn and weathered at some of the most important seams. Unless we sew like there is no tomorrow, there won't be one.

Tea Party

This nice lady I tutor brought me some real, authentic hot mixture. I really don't think I can call it a sauce. It is kind of clear and it has chopped Chinese peppers floating in it. She made homemade dumplings and brought oolong tea to go with it. We had our little tea party and looked over her paper for about an hour. Right now, as I sit here watching the clock, my stomach is starting to burn from the inside out.

Paper trail

New class went better than I expected. Yay for victories!

I am working on this project, and I am throwing myself into it just to keep myself from going crazy at work. I work with some straight up b*tches. Seriously. I am kind of anticipating sabotage at any moment. Part of why I am going at this project with such intensity is because I don't want anyone to ever be able to say that I am not good at my job.

In a world where employment is fleeting and if it doesn't happen in paper then it doesn't happen, I am doing my best to be an amazing person. On Paper. Dig that.

In Media Res

Beginning the teaching of a new class and trying not to freak out. There is a lot of departmental involvement with how this particular class is taught, and I am being asked to teach an expedited version. Today should be simple enough, I mean as classes go, the first one is just expectations and syllabus. I am more anxious about every day from Wednesday until the end of the semester. My main focus is putting the other class I teach on cruise-control for a few weeks so I can look at this other one under a microscope. I think that is how real teachers do it. When will I start to feel like a real teacher?

Irony

You know that feeling you get when you just know someone is watching you? When it's really strong and you try to deny it, maybe you do what many others do. You call it paranoia and try to ignore it. Somedays it's a twitch and somedays it's a painful tug. Lately, it's just been this annoying reminder that I am not as alone as I am trying to be.

Can't a girl just elect to withdraw?

I guess she can't if she insists on recording her thoughts in a public arena.

It also doesn't help when she resorts to the third person.

Caesar did that and his friends killed him. Holy shit! Now that is ironic!

It hurts me when people talk about me and laugh about my life.

It's what people do, I suppose. We sit in circles, say nice things, and then, one day, the circle breaks, and all the good things gush from the circle as if they were never there. I am only one person, and I am not enough of a person to really be a circle. I'm broken and gushing and not apologizing.

I hear what you say. I imagine it, I ponder it, I wish I wasn't someone you still laughed at so much. I don't talk about you. Please stop. I am begging.

Top Ten (U2 has been on Dave all week)

Last night I was reminded of the things that I like. I thought it might be fun to write them down somewhere.

1. I like college campuses (sp?) at night. There is something magical about darkened concrete pathways and libraries that are fully lit at 9 pm.
2. I like good conversations with people that I didn't really know in high school. I get to be reminded that some people really do grow up, and they grow up to be nicer adults.
3. I like finding things I wrote when I was less than 20. I like that some things have stayed the same, and I like that some things are totally different. Both are great.
4. I like people who say nice things about people they know and people they don't know. I want to be one of those people.
5. I like friends who know exactly when to call. ESP comes from years of good friendships and minutes of being friends with people you are just destined to know. I like friends who continue to love me even when I don't answer.
6. I like my reality even if it is not shared. This is deep; let's ponder it.
7. I like that there are people who get me and people who don't. The ones who get me remind me that I am not alone, and the ones who don't get me remind me that i am not alone.
8. I like that I am not writing this for anyone.
9. I like days when it rains and it is sunny. Seeing the cycle of clouds and rain and sun and breezes kind of makes me wonder what it was like when there weren't so many freaking people everywhere. Like maybe the sun and the breeze had coffee together and said nice things about the clouds.
10. I like the librarian at the school where I work. He is as enraged about the MLA changes as I am, and we get to talk about it without feeling self-conscious.

Dave only does 10, so I guess I will stop there.

Blog-by (kinda like a drive-by, get it?)

This weekend was outstanding. Basketball, music, friends, bars, and snow were all on the ticket. None of it was ever set in stone, and all of it happened. How cool is that? Well, I think it is pretty awesome.