Baby steps

The semester is officially up and running. This week I have already spoken of due dates and plagairism. There will be student-y things for me to read on Friday, and even more the next week. I am just saying... it is upon me.

As I embark on my first journey teaching literature, I am overwhelmed with both joy and anxiety. I feel like I am giving them my baby everyday and just hoping that they learn to love it and don't hurt it.

Oh, and I am turning 32 in a couple weeks. Yikes.

School is now in session

Telling a kid that he DOES have school is a really crappy moment in parenting. A lot of other school systems are out because of the snow that really isn't a threat to driving conditions anymore, and my son does walk to school, but these points are completely lost on a 6th grader who had the time of his life yesterday. What I am wishing for right now is a heat wave. I want the snow to be gone when he gets out of school so the reminder of the wonder and excitement can fade into the pictures we took and the memories we made.

Take care

While I was away over Christmas/New Year, I forgot to ask anyone to water my plant. I wish I had taken a picture of it. It was totally dead when I came home. I watered it, talked to it, and hoped for it. The plant came back! I know it seems silly, but that plant has been in my window for over 3 years. I have looked at it and talked to it and told it all kinds of things as I wash dishes and cook meals. Having it almost wither in front of me reminded me that too many things are precious and need care.

That silly plant is a metaphor for a lot of things in my life right now. I have to take better care of myself mainly. I have to remind myself that sometimes my needs come first but that i have to know what those needs are first.

Heading back to the office today. The syllabus for this lit course will get written, and ecourseware will stop being such a mystery to me. I will water and take care of that with gentle hands and a warm heart as well!

Hello 2011

There is too much to do, so of course I am doing this!

Another year has come and gone and with it I have grown and learned as well. This past year saw me finally cutting the ties that were restricting blood flow and oxygen to the life I have always wanted. Pain and joy are at either end of the pole that I carry as I walk along the tightrope of emotional well-being. The child I was in the past I can't seem to leave is still present in my lived life. So today and tomorrow and all the days after I am working on looking forward and not back, up and not down, and who I want to be and not who I was.

Again this year, I was reminded of just how beautiful friends are and important and priceless and vital. Friendships are... well, they are the air I breathe these days. i don't know where I would be without the love they show me.

Nathan is such a huge part of my life in a way that goes beyond words. Being a better mom dominates my thoughts and is the source of so much anxiety. Do it right? Do it better? Take each day in stride and act like I totally have it all together? This year and all the years from now I want to work on listening more and hearing what he is saying without applying the filter of what I want to hear. Our smooth road is showing signs of being rocky, not now, bur later. I can just feel it...

Move forward, move forward, move forward...