The truth I can't hide

It's that part of the semester where it feels like a very long time since we started and a very long time until the end. I am at Republic right now, and the truth is, I am actually pretty caught up. I guess I need to face the music. I need to talk about what has happened. I need to do this for me.

Nathan has decided that he wants to stay in Virginia next year. I suspect he will be there until the end of high school.

He had kind of been on the fence about, and I really thought he would change his mind. When that didn't happen, he let me know in a way that only Nathan can. We were on the phone and he told me that he was thinking of taking Japanese. Now, I don't know much about what happens at Memphis high schools, but I think I would be a little more aware of the fact that Japanese is offered.

When I asked him if that was offered in Memphis, he hesitated and let me know that it wasn't. So in this very passive-aggressive way, he let me know that he was starting to think of Virginia as his future home. I'm not calling him passive-aggressive in a bad way, I'm just saying that's how he did it. That's why I thought maybe be was still on the fence, you know.

Sunday I talked with Bill, Nathan's dad, about the logistics of this plan. Basically, I am going to get Nathan for most of his summer, and then he will go to Virginia when football practice starts back in August.

And that's it.

Only is isn't.

I am so sad, and I can't seem to get myself to believe it. I can't decide if I even really believe that this is real. I really can't decide the reality that I am dealing with here. It's more than a human can understand. It's more than a person can comprehend.

For now, I am a working machine, and when I'm not working, I am willing myself not to think about it too deeply. I don't feel like I am avoiding the feeling. I feel like I am sure it will break me, and I am so busy right now. I know that I can't work if this breaks me the way I know it will if I try to deal with it right now.

For now, I am easily angered at nothing that is the actual source of my anger. I owe it to the people around me to offer some kind of explanation, but that would mean saying it out loud. I've only done that once, and it didn't end well. It ended in me looking like I had been a fight that I had definitely not won.

I can't win.

That's how this makes me feel. It makes me feel like my whole life is a mistake.

7 hours for a sandwich (totally worth it)

Let's see... I should start where I left off and work my way up to now. Sorry it's been so long. I have been busy (as you are about to see).

The trip to Natchitoches, LA was great! We left with plenty of time to enjoy the ride. It got a little tedious toward the end, but once we got there it was great.

Oh, we stopped along the way to have a break and some lunch. We ended up stopping in this place called Ruston, LA. I thought it was cool because apparently that is where the guys from Elephant 6 got their start, but there's more! It turns out that this little town is actually where my best friend was born!

Along the way, Greg would look up the towns that we were approaching and he would tell us all about the history of the place. He would also look up whether anyone famous was from there. It made for a very educational trip!

Finally arriving in Natchitoches, we checked in to the hotel and relaxed for a bit before heading to the downtown area to see what was there. Truthfully, it was a lot smaller than I remembered it, but it was still very pretty. We had hoped to have a cup of coffee and enjoy a relaxing moment before dinner, but as it turns out, very few places were open past 6:00. Hmph.

Dinner was excellent. We ate alligator and craw fish and fish covered in sauce. At the end of dinner we treated ourselves to some bread pudding. It was all very nice, and we ended up driving around a bit to see the town.

The next day, we finally got to have that coffee! We had a pretty view of the river that snakes around the downtown area, and then we headed to the Craw Fish Hole for an early lunch.

YUMMMMMMMM!!!! It was the greatest craw fish po-boy of all time.

After lunch, we headed to the Oakland Plantation. It really was beautiful. We went on a guided tour, and Greg and I both were a little surprised at how little they talked about slavery. Seriously, it was weird.

The plan was to eat meat pies for dinner before hitting the road, but the place we wanted to go to was only open for lunch. That was a little disappointing, but we ended up finding them at another restaurant, and they were pretty good.

Homeward through Shreveport, we stopped to pick up a gift for AMy who was watching the animals for us. We got her some Louisiana beer, and then we ended up in a traffic jam. Oh well.

It was a good trip, and it was just what I needed to be able to say that I had taken a break during Spring Break.

Sadly, Thursday and Friday saw me back in front of a pile of papers which is where I have been since. I was able to hand back lots of graded stuff on Monday, and I will be handing back more graded stuff on Wednesday. I keep reminding myself that this is a rare load of work, and if I can just get through what I have, I won't have this coming in again for at least 7 more weeks!

The one highlight over the break that I did not expect was a surprise trip from Sarah and Brian. They came into town for a late dinner, and they ended up crashing with us before they left very early in the morning. I was so happy to see them, and I hope they can come back soon.

Today, I am already at it. I worked on JSCC stuff for a bit of the morning. Now I am going to start prepping for the rest of what I am teaching this week. I am really happy to be covering Lit I really like, but it is also Lit that I need to teach a little bit harder just because it is very dense.

Drop date is Friday, and I have already lost one that I was pretty sure wasn't going to pass. There are a few more that I hope will try it again next semester. Our goal is to encourage retention, but there is very little I can do for a student who hasn't turned in work all semester. It's tough to see them making mistakes that they don't understand yet, but I also think that if they can learn the lesson, then it ends up being a lesson they don't forget. That's how it had to work for me. I hope it works for them.

Sticking to a Plan

Taking a quick minute to jot a post before we leave for a little road trip. Today we are heading to Natchitoches, LA to see a few things, spend the night, and eat a lot of good food along the way. More about that upon the return!

Yesterday was incredibly successful. Greg and I made plans, and we did everything we set out to do!

We got up and hit the backyard. We bagged 16 or so bags of leaves and cleaned it up good! It was a really tough job, but I am very happy with what we were able to do. I would like to plant some stuff back there and maybe spread a little grass seed. I also have some plans to hang some lights and make it pretty. I am excited about what it possible, and I think we can get it all done without too much trouble. Getting that done yesterday was a big first step.

After I took a shower, I walked down to the nail salon and treated myself to a manicure. I felt I deserved it after all that work! Now my hands look pretty and not like I spent half the morning working in the yard.

Once I got back to the house, Greg and I headed to the coffee shop for about an hour and a half of grading. I was able to get through a little more than half a class. That isn't a lot, but that is about as much as I wanted to get done. I was so happy that we both did what we needed to do even after the day we had so far.

Last night I was able to put together a nice dinner, and then we sat down and watched an episode of Game of Thrones while we waited for our laundry to finish. Yesterday a cord we ordered came in, and it does what it is supposed to do! We can now watch the shows from out iPads on our TV. It seems small, but it is actually pretty cool.

Amy came over for her shot last night, and we walked her through what she is going to do for us with taking care of the pets. I am glad she is taking care of them, and I think she is going to stay and hang out with them and watch TV.

I just heard the shower shut off, so Greg will be ready shortly. I need to feed to pets and start packing up the car. I hope this trip is fun. I am really looking forward to taking a little road trip. It's been just long enough to have forgotten how boring they can be. Here we go!

No-Work Saturday

Tonight we are having a couple of friends over to play board games. This is one of those things that I have really started to enjoy. It is fairly inexpensive, social, and helps me feel like I have some kind of life! It's the little things, right?

Yesterday Greg and I decided to buy a museum membership with the movie passes. I am so excited! I have really enjoyed going, and now we can go all the time! We are actually heading over there for a movie this afternoon, so I am pretty sure we are going to make this a much more active habit.

Oh, did I mention that it is officially Spring Break? Of course I woke up at 7:00 am, but who cares? I am showered and ready to go to the store for some snacks for later.

I just finished making a play list of the theme songs from the shows that Greg and I watch together. I am going to surprise him with it on the road trip. I actually mentioned that he might do something like that, but I am pretty sure he already forgot.

I am trying to make a new friend at work. His name is Will Duffy and his wife's name is Vickie (sp?). They just moved here last semester, and Will is going to do a lecture at the request of the Lower Division Committee of which I am a member. He came to my office this week to talk about the plan for the talk, and he ended up being such a cool guy! He seems really interested in Memphis, and he and his wife are interested in learning more. They just might be a good fit for us, and I am already trying to think of ways to befriend him. I wish I could invite them to game night.

Alright, I think Greg is almost done getting ready, and I think that means we will be heading to the store soon. I think today is going to be great!

Good times

It's the Friday before Spring Break! I feel like I am approaching a marathon finish line!

This week I have been meeting with many of my Lit students as they work on their papers, and it has been a very mixed bag.

Some students are so surprisingly interested in doing well and in understanding what they need to understand about the material. Those have made the last few days fun and worthwhile. Of course there have been some that have really disappointed me. One girl is just so out of control, and she thinks she is very smart. I think she is! But I don't think she as smart as she thinks she is. I wish she would listen, but she insists on being right. Clearly, I see myself there. I wish she would just listen. She's making things harder than they need to be.

Last night Greg and I went to a documentary at the museum across the street. It was called "A Spoken Dish" and it was a blast! Tickets were $15 a piece, and I just thought we were paying for the movie. Instead, we arrived and discovered that several local (very nice!) restaurants had brought snacks and beer. Greg gunned a beer so we could get a good seat for the movie. We ate boudin, greens, barbecue spaghetti, catfish, and vegan cornbread. It was such a treat! The documentary was a 45 min collection of people talking about food traditions. It was a lot of fun!

The night before that we went to the movie theater down the street at watched a documentary about Rwandan film-making. The film followed Rwandans who are trying to make movies in Rwanda. The movie is called "Finding Hillywood." It was really sad to see so many lives affected by the genocide, but I did appreciate being able to see signs of growth and renewal 20 years later. After the movie one of the producers was present for a Q and A which was very enjoyable.

I really like living here, and I am glad that we have had the chances to do things like this.

Greg is going to start teaching another class at Southwest. He and I understand that this means a very big tax on his time, and I hope he is able to manage it. In the end he and I both agree that it is for a very limited time. It was nice that he wanted to talk to me about it and wanted my input on his decision. Ultimately, I couldn't ever make a real decision. I'm sure it will be difficult, but he and I both know that it is just for now. We just have to keep that in mind.

Ursula and Murphy work together to destroy things. She will push things from high surfaces, and Murphy will cart them away for chewing. So far I have seen them do it just once, but from the variety of chewed things I have found, I know this is part of a large-scale operation. Those animals.

There is a rough change coming, and I want to wait until I have my thoughts together to talk about it. I'm facing a very difficult realization, and I am not sure how I feel or what I want to say. I think I am going to save that for a long, coffee-induced, Spring Break post.

Alright, time to focus on the positive! Last day of school for the next week! Huzzah!

Wins for everyone!

The past few days have been a blur!

Last night we went to a show and sae a couple of great female performers! Valerie June was the main draw for me, and the headliner, Sharon Jones, was quite excellent!

Before that Greg and I were able to get about 2 hours of work done over dinner at Republic, so it felt good to be productive.

Before that we got to watch the Memphis Tigers beat the Louisville Cardinals for the second time this season!

And that was just yesterday!

Now I am looking into next week. This is the week before Spring Break. Three of my classes are getting ready for mid term exams and papers, so I am dealing with a lot of student email over that. My other class just handed in a paper, so I am hoping to get that back to them before the break starts. Actually I may hold onto it even if I do get it graded. I will have to think about that.

I tried to go to the grocery store this morning and it was a zoo! There are severe winter weather warnings issued today and tomorrow, so all of Memphis was at my local grocery store. Deciding I could get what I needed at Walgreen's, I took my time and bought over-priced milk and eggs. I also got some pens, filled my birth control, and got some doggie bags for the dog and the cat. I think that is a pretty good compromise.

I just need to keep a lid on my temper this week. I have gotten so many emails from students who have asked such ridiculous questions. They seem to have had the critical thinking zapped out of them at some point, and now it is becoming very obvious which of them can hack it and which of them are going to have a hard lesson to learn.

This week I need to work on being patient and understanding. They are fragile in an area where I am string, and I need to keep that in the very front of my mind.