Tea Party

This nice lady I tutor brought me some real, authentic hot mixture. I really don't think I can call it a sauce. It is kind of clear and it has chopped Chinese peppers floating in it. She made homemade dumplings and brought oolong tea to go with it. We had our little tea party and looked over her paper for about an hour. Right now, as I sit here watching the clock, my stomach is starting to burn from the inside out.

Paper trail

New class went better than I expected. Yay for victories!

I am working on this project, and I am throwing myself into it just to keep myself from going crazy at work. I work with some straight up b*tches. Seriously. I am kind of anticipating sabotage at any moment. Part of why I am going at this project with such intensity is because I don't want anyone to ever be able to say that I am not good at my job.

In a world where employment is fleeting and if it doesn't happen in paper then it doesn't happen, I am doing my best to be an amazing person. On Paper. Dig that.

In Media Res

Beginning the teaching of a new class and trying not to freak out. There is a lot of departmental involvement with how this particular class is taught, and I am being asked to teach an expedited version. Today should be simple enough, I mean as classes go, the first one is just expectations and syllabus. I am more anxious about every day from Wednesday until the end of the semester. My main focus is putting the other class I teach on cruise-control for a few weeks so I can look at this other one under a microscope. I think that is how real teachers do it. When will I start to feel like a real teacher?

Irony

You know that feeling you get when you just know someone is watching you? When it's really strong and you try to deny it, maybe you do what many others do. You call it paranoia and try to ignore it. Somedays it's a twitch and somedays it's a painful tug. Lately, it's just been this annoying reminder that I am not as alone as I am trying to be.

Can't a girl just elect to withdraw?

I guess she can't if she insists on recording her thoughts in a public arena.

It also doesn't help when she resorts to the third person.

Caesar did that and his friends killed him. Holy shit! Now that is ironic!

It hurts me when people talk about me and laugh about my life.

It's what people do, I suppose. We sit in circles, say nice things, and then, one day, the circle breaks, and all the good things gush from the circle as if they were never there. I am only one person, and I am not enough of a person to really be a circle. I'm broken and gushing and not apologizing.

I hear what you say. I imagine it, I ponder it, I wish I wasn't someone you still laughed at so much. I don't talk about you. Please stop. I am begging.

Top Ten (U2 has been on Dave all week)

Last night I was reminded of the things that I like. I thought it might be fun to write them down somewhere.

1. I like college campuses (sp?) at night. There is something magical about darkened concrete pathways and libraries that are fully lit at 9 pm.
2. I like good conversations with people that I didn't really know in high school. I get to be reminded that some people really do grow up, and they grow up to be nicer adults.
3. I like finding things I wrote when I was less than 20. I like that some things have stayed the same, and I like that some things are totally different. Both are great.
4. I like people who say nice things about people they know and people they don't know. I want to be one of those people.
5. I like friends who know exactly when to call. ESP comes from years of good friendships and minutes of being friends with people you are just destined to know. I like friends who continue to love me even when I don't answer.
6. I like my reality even if it is not shared. This is deep; let's ponder it.
7. I like that there are people who get me and people who don't. The ones who get me remind me that I am not alone, and the ones who don't get me remind me that i am not alone.
8. I like that I am not writing this for anyone.
9. I like days when it rains and it is sunny. Seeing the cycle of clouds and rain and sun and breezes kind of makes me wonder what it was like when there weren't so many freaking people everywhere. Like maybe the sun and the breeze had coffee together and said nice things about the clouds.
10. I like the librarian at the school where I work. He is as enraged about the MLA changes as I am, and we get to talk about it without feeling self-conscious.

Dave only does 10, so I guess I will stop there.

Blog-by (kinda like a drive-by, get it?)

This weekend was outstanding. Basketball, music, friends, bars, and snow were all on the ticket. None of it was ever set in stone, and all of it happened. How cool is that? Well, I think it is pretty awesome.