I'm doing ok, you know? Everyday is a little move into a direction that I am at least getting used to. I know that doesn't sound like much, but it feels like it's a little lighter than it was last week. I'll count it.
This past week has found me trying to focus on work and the yard in order to find an outlet for the grief. The yard is shaping up, and the work is abated (for now).
I have planted, potted, and dug as much as a sane person should and just a little more to count it as insane. So far, the yard is starting to show signs of the work. It feels good to sit outside (right now, actually) and see what I have done with my hands.
As far as work goes, it's kind of the same thing. I can see what I have done, and I do think it feels pretty good to at least know that I think I am doing a good job.
Last week I was feeling really overwhelmed and a little concerned about what my students think about me. Truth is, I think they all hate me. I think they do. Really.
What it actually is, just so I don't come off as a totally paranoid person, is a student or two in each class that clearly don't want to be there and they have no problem letting their faces communicate that to me.
So there's that.
Clearly, I am overly sensitive at the moment, and I am just hoping that with time I will go back to being my tougher self.
It's important that I can see the good that I do and not get lost in the things that don't always work.
I think it is going to rain tomorrow and be a little cooler after that. For now, I am going to enjoy the weather. It changes and so will I.
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