Perspective

To deal with the separation anxiety I seem to have developed, I decided to send Nathan an Easter gift. I loaded up a box with things that he and I have specific Easter memories of. Only after I had written the note and shipped it to Virginia did it occur to me... we won't be adding to those memories. I feel like I am trying to tie him to me by getting him to think about the past that we have. That maybe it will somehow replace the present that we no longer have. The future that's so uncertain.

It's possible that the progress I thought I was making is sliding back a bit. Awareness of how I feel is all I am trying to have.

Today I am attacking grading and yard. I planted a hydrangea. I am really hoping that it does not die.

Later today, Greg and I are going to get another plant stand because I bought too many herbs for the stand that we have. I appreciate that he wants to go with me to get the stand, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he doesn't really care one way or the other.

I think we only have about 4 weeks of classes left. It doesn't matter what is left. It feels like the beginning of the end, but even I know that this really is the hardest part no matter how short or long it feels.

There will be a day very soon when I will feel better. For now, that's the faith I have. I know that for every good thing there is a bad thing, and that balance is all about perspective. I need a better look at the world in order to improve my perspective.

That's my plan today. Try to look at it all instead of only what's right in front of my face.